Annie's story

I am a single mum, but I have been forced to move back in with my aggressive and controlling ex because I cannot afford to live in the private rental market in Brisbane. It kind of suits us both this way since he has lost his job and can’t afford the rent by himself.  We both want the best result for our kids so we’ve kind of worked out an arrangement and I’ve set some boundaries. It’s working OK I wouldn’t say I am exactly comfortable about it, it was that or get moved into housing commission in Caboolture, where you know, you see the single mums out drinking in the morning, that’s not the environment I want for my kids. I’ve worked hard to give them a decent standard of living and they go to a private school thanks to a trust fund my deceased sister left for them, I want them to do well in life. And they are going really well and I’m proud of what they will achieve, they’re headed for university and a higher level of education than I was able to get.

I have been through a really rough period and I have some health issues that are being investigated. Centrelink have given me a 3 month exemption from job agency stuff, because of my ill-health, at least I don’t have that to worry me at the moment. When I have been to job agencies they’ve been completely useless, they are just interested in pocketing the money from the government and not helping people who need it. I had one agency who I asked to help me do a course I wanted to do, to up skill myself basically, and they told me I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t believe their attitude, seriously, they had no idea and they were very rude about it. They told me if I did it there would be consequences if I did not comply with my requirements, basically threatening me with a participation failure. They acted all superior like they were on some kind of power trip, it was like a we know best attitude, that wasn’t empowering at all. I felt trapped by what they wanted me to do, and they sent me for some really crap jobs that I felt I was too qualified for, like I’ve been working in some pretty good admin jobs. They seem to be terrible at job matching, they just push you into any job vacancy they’ve got going, you know for employers who are the squeaky wheels, saying where are our workers.

I am pretty confident, health issues aside, that if I went out looking for a job on my own I’d get one pretty easily. It has been a struggle over the years finding jobs that suit my child care needs, and I’ve always felt more guilty about working, than not working, if you get what I mean, because it’s always been really more important for me to be there for my kids after school and keep the house a home, rather than running it like a business which is what I’ve found when I’ve been working. I’ve found most of the work I’ve had myself, just by targeting the larger employer who I know have a large workforce and constant turnover, these are skills I learnt way back with the CES when they had proper job boards, not like the ones now where there’s not really any job boards at all anymore. Oh and the service I received trying to get my resume done, it was awful, I had a really good resume already and they were no help to me at all, getting me to come to job club or job search groups that I didn’t need.

Things got so bad for me when I separated from my husband, I kind of had a nervous breakdown, it was the built up stress of it all I think it caught up with me in the end.  I also had to leave my job because there were some issues there so I was left trying to pay rent of $435 a week on my own on parenting payment. It wasn’t possible and things went rapidly down hill, until I had to move somewhere else. I did get some support from the Vinnies and the Salvos, there are a couple of programs they offer interventions to try to stop people losing their homes but the rent was just not sustainable, and I was nowhere near being well enough to work to make up the difference.  The strain of it all was so bad, there were weeks when I was just crying, it was just awful and I was trying to keep it together for the girls.

At times I felt judged by some welfare agencies as if I did not need the help enough but when I got to a really low place I just knew I needed help. I have been conscious they’ve seen me as a single mum and I am always at pains to let people know I don’t drink, do drugs, smoke or gamble, that’s not the reason why my life is the way it is like the ones I do know exist in some places like Caboolture. I feel like I need to let them know this otherwise they are just going to judge me and not understand what my circumstances are like, I even have problems getting my own family members to understand quite how tough things have become for me. But it’s real, you know I rnig my sister up and say I’ve got no money, and she says “you can’t have no money” you cant mean that, I say yes that’s what I mean exactly. So even my only family can’t accept the hardtimes that have befallen me.  Me and the girls have had no money for petrol to get to school, no money for food, you know all of that, I had to keep them home from school when we had not money for a week.  I’ve had help from pretty much every agency there is who can help you and there just aren’t enough resources, and when my situation was that bad it just meant it went from bad to worse because there was no support to get me through the worst.

I used my social networks for help too, some friends of friends knew of some agencies that could help me.  But I ended up in so much rent arrears that I was placed on the TICA database, which meant that after that I was pretty much unable to get a private rental anymore, and I have to fight that through the courts, because I had committed to paying back the arrears it’s just not fair. Anyway, I was knocked back for some help at one of these agencies once, and I still remember very clearly how devastated I felt, it was like the last straw of humanity had gone. That’s when I just broke down and cried and cried. I heard this program on ABC about empathy, and I really agree it’s true in our society, we’ve just lost all empathy these days, it’s all about me and my house with the water views and my nice car.

But now that I’ve been on the down side, I can’t just sit by and let this happen to other people anymore.I am a member of some facebook groups or pages and I saw some pretty horrific stories about what other single parents are going through. There’s one in Melbourne at the moment I’ve been helping to fundraise for, it’s kind of causing me a lot of work, but I feel so sorry for the woman. It’s only from having been through all this and having such terrible experiences myself that I can understand now what it’s like for other people. Like now I don’t have the nice house with the swimming pool, the car and all that, and have been virtually homeless, I know what it’s like to be desperate.